A little more than thirteen years ago, I got a call from a Jewish dad with a non-Jewish wife and brand new baby twins. Would I help arrange a bris and mikvah to “convert” their baby boys? No other rabbi in town would do it and the mohel wouldn’t do a bris for these boys either.
I get calls often from parents – Jewish dad, gentile mom – wanting to bring their children into the full embrace of the Jewish people and securely under the wings of the Shechinah. It’s common nowadays.
So, why would no other rabbi agree to this? What’s the problem?
Bob explained. Lisa is actively Christian – not just non-Jewish as many Jewish men’s wives are these days, but actually involved in her church and really, truly a Christian. No rabbi would “convert” the babies if their mom was actively Christian. Everyone said it would confuse the children and you could not raise Jewish kids in a home where one parent – davka the mother – is committed to another religion – davka Christianity. It won’t work; they’ll have no part of it.
Bob added that Lisa deeply wants her boys to be Jews and has no wish for them to be Christian -- but wouldn’t give up her own religion in order to accomplish that.
He waited for my reply.
I thought about it.
I had never been asked this before.
We talked. Deep in my kishkas, I knew that Bob was sincere. I couldn’t guarantee that these babies would grow up to live an integral Jewish life – I didn’t even know these people and I can’t guarantee that about my own children -- but I certainly wanted to give this family a chance to see how it would work. So many people with Jewish heritage and identity don’t pursue any Jewish life. At least, I could help them give it a try.
I remembered receiving a teaching from Rabbi Gershon Winkler that the great medieval commentator Rashi said any rabbi can say no but it takes creativity and courage to find a legitimate and honest way to say yes. I knew that there is no technical problem with a bris and a mikvah when both parents are committed to raising Jewish children. It’s the follow through that other rabbis don’t trust. Something told me I could trust -- or at least give the benefit of a doubt. "דן על כף זכות" So, I said, “Let’s do it. I’m honoured you’ve asked and I’ll do whatever I can to help you.”
I called the only non-Orthodox mohel in the Vancouver area, Dr. Neil Pollock, who deferred to my judgment.
A few days later, we celebrated the bris in Bob and Lisa’s home with great joy and a little crying by both the babies and their parents. Later, we took the babies to the mikvah. Bob immersed their little baby bodies in the living waters of the mikvah, we said the brachas and the Shema and they came out as kosher Jewish baby boys with their whole futures wide open ahead of them. It remained to be seen how Bob and Lisa would raise them.
And, that was that.
I never heard from them again . . .
. . . until six and half years later, now six and half years ago.
Bob called. Did I remember him?
Well, the boys are both in grade 2 at the Richmond Jewish Day School. One of them, David, loves to wear tsitsis and payes. They’d like to visit. They came to Kabbalat Shabbat. I was amazed. David sang Lecha Dodi with all his heart and soul. Bob and David came again and again to Kabbalat Shabbat, always bringing the most delicious kosher knishes! In addition, they went to Chabad as well as Beth Tikvah, the Conservative synagogue in Richmond. As the years went by, Bob and Lisa planned their Bar Mitzvah ceremonies on Masada in Israel. And now, they’ll come and celebrate with us at Ahavat Olam this coming Shabbat by leyning from the Torah and Haftarah.
I am very gratified that my initial willingness to trust Bob and Lisa has proven to be so very correct. Andrew is proud and happy to be a Jew, perhaps more than most young Jews his age. David’s neshamah soars with his Jewishness. He says he wants to be a rabbi. I won’t be surprised if that’s what he does.
I am thankful to my own guides and teachers – Rabbi Zalman Schachter-Shalomi, the theorists of the Reconstructionist movement and others – for preparing me for my own integrity and clarity thirteen years ago. And, I hope that more and more of us rabbis will become more open and trusting in similar situations in the future.
Come and join us on Shabbat this week. Hear David and Andrew leyn. And, leave the potluck at home! Lunch is Bob and Lisa's treat.
David
